please, be more difficult to understand

So the teenage drama is still alive and kicking. Despite my best efforts, i just can't help but involve myself.
Here's this month's dilemma and please... don' t laugh at my pathetic life: i have been sorta having a crush on one of my friends that i have known for a couple years. yeah i know, that's bad already- but it only gets worse. I haven't told anyone about my crush (except my good friend the internet) but now i have no idea what to do. I could risk telling her what i feel, and possibly screw up an awesome friendship... or i could just do nothing and hate myself forever.
ok well there's more to the story... i was out running with said friend one night, and i just couldn't help it, i couldn't think of any smooth transitional phrase... so in the middle of my sentence i just kissed her. yeah can you do that? or is it against some rule or something? anyways... i went home with a smile, but now i have no idea what she wants because she couldn't be more misleading if she tried. well maybe i just don't speak the universal code of body language. arg.... that's really all i can say. i'm pretty sure i just ruined everything...i'll keep you updated
-steve
p.s. ok, i probably won't keep you updated because i can't seem to blog on a regular basis. but i'll try. advice is welcome...