no solution
I was eating dinner with my dad at some restaurant, and we somehow started talking about what college i would be attending. My answer has mostly been U of A. the engineering program there seems like everything i'll need. Anyways, tonight i said- i'm thinking about joining the marines. that one totally caught my dad off guard. (good thing my mom wasn't there, or she would have probably started crying) Well my dad was sorta impressed, but more curious. i'm thinking about going to a military academy (and study mechanical engineering) and then joining the service as an officer or something. my dad asked me why, but i only told him half of the answer. I said that i wanted to do something productive. and that's true. Unfortunately my dad wanted to know how I defined 'productive'. i said i just didn't want to live a pointless life. For example: what did everyone do yesterday? does it matter? will you even remember it next week? i don't think i've done anything in the last year that's worth talking about. If you think about it, it seems like pretty much everything everyone does is more or less pointless. Not that i wants to get everyone all depressed, but unless you live for the "little things" what's the point in anything anyone has done? it seems that America in general has a totally obscure view about life. everyone is just trying to be 'comfortable'.
everyone seems to spend their time trying to better their lives through 'that new car' or big screen tv. just think that nothing you do will be remembered after you die. It's too bad that we don't really have anymore Leonardo Da vinci that make the history books everyday. i guess i just feel like everyday is just another question of - how am i gonna kill enough time until it's tomorrow? doesn't that sound pathetic? i just want to change something. i honestly can't think of something important i've done in the last month. I kind of feel like: if i'm just going to make my way through every single day, i might as well try to do something 'productive'. i think the military could actually benefit from someone like me. why not help my country instead of help myself right? it's kind of the same thing anyways.
I don't want everyone to think that i hate life or we're all wasting our time. after all, it's not like we specifically know the meaning to life in the first place. i also realize that it's impossible to do something productive everyday of your whole life.
i'd rather be a faceless person in the crowd that at least believes in what he's doing, as opposed to just watching tv and going to parties that couldn't mean less ( in the span of a lifetime ). i only say 'faceless' because i really don't think one person can really make a difference about anything ( at least not me, i'm no Einstein or Gandhi) .
bottom line--- i know that if i keep looking for the opportunity, there will be a day that's different from every other day. a day that somebody will remember. they may not remember me, but they will remember what happened, and as long i know that i was a part of that... i think that would help me feel like i didn't waste my life.
-steve
p.s. oh yeah, my other reason for joining the military(that i didn't tell my dad) was: i know my parents are paying for my brother to go to school and he's not going to amount to anything. lol. i don't feel right having them pay 100 grand for me to go to college like my bro. I think i should be able to do this on my own, and it's not fair to put the responsibility on them. besides, they have spent 17 years raising me and i really can't wait to be out on my own...i think. damn, us kids are expensive!
everyone seems to spend their time trying to better their lives through 'that new car' or big screen tv. just think that nothing you do will be remembered after you die. It's too bad that we don't really have anymore Leonardo Da vinci that make the history books everyday. i guess i just feel like everyday is just another question of - how am i gonna kill enough time until it's tomorrow? doesn't that sound pathetic? i just want to change something. i honestly can't think of something important i've done in the last month. I kind of feel like: if i'm just going to make my way through every single day, i might as well try to do something 'productive'. i think the military could actually benefit from someone like me. why not help my country instead of help myself right? it's kind of the same thing anyways.
I don't want everyone to think that i hate life or we're all wasting our time. after all, it's not like we specifically know the meaning to life in the first place. i also realize that it's impossible to do something productive everyday of your whole life.
i'd rather be a faceless person in the crowd that at least believes in what he's doing, as opposed to just watching tv and going to parties that couldn't mean less ( in the span of a lifetime ). i only say 'faceless' because i really don't think one person can really make a difference about anything ( at least not me, i'm no Einstein or Gandhi) .
bottom line--- i know that if i keep looking for the opportunity, there will be a day that's different from every other day. a day that somebody will remember. they may not remember me, but they will remember what happened, and as long i know that i was a part of that... i think that would help me feel like i didn't waste my life.
-steve
p.s. oh yeah, my other reason for joining the military(that i didn't tell my dad) was: i know my parents are paying for my brother to go to school and he's not going to amount to anything. lol. i don't feel right having them pay 100 grand for me to go to college like my bro. I think i should be able to do this on my own, and it's not fair to put the responsibility on them. besides, they have spent 17 years raising me and i really can't wait to be out on my own...i think. damn, us kids are expensive!
3 Comments:
That was a deep blog and I think it's cool that you're looking for some semblance of significance in your life. But I also think that our youth is the antithesis of significance, as it should be. We grow up, have fun, and learn our lessons in the process. Then we take what we learn, apply it, and in doing so hopefully find our place in life. The time to worry about amounting to something is coming soon, but I don't think it's here quite yet. Only you know what the best path for you is, and I'm sure you'll find it. For the record, I would heartily disagree with your decision to join the military, but I would greatly respect it.
hmm, well i apperciate the comments, but i guess i still have a lot to think about. i guess we all do.
-steve
katie, i know the 'laying there and dying' risk sounds really sad, but first off, i don't think it's going to happen. also, could you think of a better way to die? ok, so there are a couple better ways, but now i'm gettin off topic. anyways, i'm still thinking about joining. i just really don't know yet...
and alex- you make some good points. and i think there are other ways for me to accomplish things in life. but joining the military would really put things into prospective. plus, the physical challenge seems appealing to me. i just wanna see what i can do.
-steve
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